It was our fourth date and things were going swimmingly. Dinner on the first date, hiking on the second, hutong biking on the third... Our fourth date involved a lot of vodka. As he nuzzled my neck in a drunken haze, he whispered "God, I love you. I really do." Having consumed significantly less than my love struck partner, I didn't respond with any tipsy confessions of my own. I was also sober enough to recognize his outburst as having far more to do with the potent, clear liquid in his martini glass than true feelings. I mean, c'mon, it was our fourth date! I figure, if he meant it, well, that's a little scary so soon, but I can deal with it. If he didn't, well, people have said stranger things under the influence and if that was all it was, then, well, frankly it would be a relief.
When I spoke to him the next day, he had driven himself into a frenzy over what he had said. "I don't love you! Really, I don't! Oh my god, how could I have said that? I'm not the type who says that! I don't love you! I didn't say it! Oh god!" For all my shhhhhhing and reassurances that I wasn't taking it too seriously nor was I expecting a diamond ring on our next date, he could not be calmed. "I can't deal with this. It's moving too fast!" he exclaimed emphatically. And then he just stopped calling. The man drove himself into a crazed tizzy while all I could do was sit on the sidelines, blinking in confusion.
A friend later commented spot on: "He mind-fucked himself."
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Swapping spit and stories
"...one poster encountered with a working girl named Hebe. “Her English was good, but her choice of turn-on talk was a little creepy! Example, ‘You are a grandfather! You can be my grandfather and I am your little girl! I am very sympathetic to needs of grandfather!’ Ick!”"
Thanks to this little article tip sent to us we were able to learn about the International Sex Guide Forum. We all know that some men can't get enough of the ladies. So much so that they are willing to pay for the comforting embraces of female companionship. The internet, which fittingly enough, orginally gained popularity through people looking for porn in more convenient places than Blockbuster and their dad's closets, has provided one more safe haven for these men.
The International Sex Guide Forum lets lonely and/or horny dudes find their special someones the world over. It also contains useful tips about the customs and pricing strategies of each city because nothing ruins a good boner like feeling like a cultural faux pax or feeling like you got ripped off. Another popular aspect of the site are men detailing their excursions with specific prostitutes and giving recommendations. A useful feature for some who may hesitate in buying the car without taking it out for a test drive.
Thanks to this little article tip sent to us we were able to learn about the International Sex Guide Forum. We all know that some men can't get enough of the ladies. So much so that they are willing to pay for the comforting embraces of female companionship. The internet, which fittingly enough, orginally gained popularity through people looking for porn in more convenient places than Blockbuster and their dad's closets, has provided one more safe haven for these men.
The International Sex Guide Forum lets lonely and/or horny dudes find their special someones the world over. It also contains useful tips about the customs and pricing strategies of each city because nothing ruins a good boner like feeling like a cultural faux pax or feeling like you got ripped off. Another popular aspect of the site are men detailing their excursions with specific prostitutes and giving recommendations. A useful feature for some who may hesitate in buying the car without taking it out for a test drive.
Friday, December 12, 2008
From moocher to part-time moocher
"After four months, he finally moved off the couch and got an apartment of his own! Ok, so his friend and I shelled out for the first two month's rent and he still has no job yet, but that's progress! Right?" she exclaimed in glee.
We all congratulated her. But since when did a guy who moves from total moocher to just part-time moocher become a catch? Oh yes, since moving to Beijing.
We all congratulated her. But since when did a guy who moves from total moocher to just part-time moocher become a catch? Oh yes, since moving to Beijing.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Voice of Entitlement
We're sure many of you may have already heard about this post but we couldn't listen and not post about the Danwei dubbed "3 Million RMB foreign douchebag."
Apparently an expat male with delusions of being Donald Trump a la The Apprentice called into Sherpas and went off on the girl taking his order telling her she had a bad attitude and that he was going to teach her about manners. His 4 minute long lesson (he doesn't really get going until after the first minute) consisted of him telling her that she was a fucking bitch and that the Chinese were a race of rude people.
Wow, nothing's sexier than entitled, racist expat men. Can't wait to go out tonight and if we can meet any of these gems roaming the city. Yummy yummy.
We were going to post the audioclip here but the embedded link from Imeem didn't want to work with blogger and other than cut and paste, we're pretty much out of ideas. Click on the Danwei link if you want to hear the whole thing.
Apparently an expat male with delusions of being Donald Trump a la The Apprentice called into Sherpas and went off on the girl taking his order telling her she had a bad attitude and that he was going to teach her about manners. His 4 minute long lesson (he doesn't really get going until after the first minute) consisted of him telling her that she was a fucking bitch and that the Chinese were a race of rude people.
Wow, nothing's sexier than entitled, racist expat men. Can't wait to go out tonight and if we can meet any of these gems roaming the city. Yummy yummy.
We were going to post the audioclip here but the embedded link from Imeem didn't want to work with blogger and other than cut and paste, we're pretty much out of ideas. Click on the Danwei link if you want to hear the whole thing.
Charisma Man
Charisma Man is a comic strip originally created back in '98 as a satirical take on the overconfidence of expat English teachers in Japan; however, I'm sure many of us in China can relate to these themes ten years later.
hello upper east siders. it's china dirt. xoxo!
Mmm winter. The leaves have died, the winds are gusting and skies are bleak. Sorry for the long hiatus readers. This year, China Dirt makes its New Years resolution a month early – aside from obsessing over the latest Blair and Chuck love arc we also pledge to, oh yes, update more.
Like a good errant boyfriend who displays his contrition with a bouquet of flowers and sad, doleful eyes, we’re going to give you an apology present as well - clue as to who we might be (or at least what we look like). After numerous emails, countless comments and a few gchat pop ups hypothesizing who we might be (the aggregated conclusion came out to be white, heavy set and fugly) we’ll give you this hint – and only really because it’s relevant for how the following story will read – one of us is (hold your breath guys) a full blooded foreign born Chinese. Onto the first story of the new year: “You don’t know English as well as me.”
So our fellow FBC was out one night at a rather swank cocktail party. Despite dressing up and having somewhere to go she unfortunately found herself backed into the corner by a charmless Karl Lagerfeld doppelganger – Note: fat, creepy Karl, not svelte, hipster Karl.
“Wow, you’re English eez good.” slurred the unhandsome stranger, blasting his hot, sour, cranberry laced breath into her face – oh yes, he was standing that close.
“I’m from abroad,” she replied.
“You are foreign? No! You look Chinese! You are Chinese. Vat do you do?” he spat out incredulously.
“Genetics tends to do that” she said looking for an escape, “I’m a brand strategist.”
“Zat is not a real word. You must be confused. You are not foreign,” he said triumphantly.
The rest of this gem of a conversation doesn’t really warrant being recorded. Let’s just end on that the crowd was luckily big enough for our FBC contributor to melt mercifully into avoiding rotund Karl for the rest of the evening.
Like a good errant boyfriend who displays his contrition with a bouquet of flowers and sad, doleful eyes, we’re going to give you an apology present as well - clue as to who we might be (or at least what we look like). After numerous emails, countless comments and a few gchat pop ups hypothesizing who we might be (the aggregated conclusion came out to be white, heavy set and fugly) we’ll give you this hint – and only really because it’s relevant for how the following story will read – one of us is (hold your breath guys) a full blooded foreign born Chinese. Onto the first story of the new year: “You don’t know English as well as me.”
So our fellow FBC was out one night at a rather swank cocktail party. Despite dressing up and having somewhere to go she unfortunately found herself backed into the corner by a charmless Karl Lagerfeld doppelganger – Note: fat, creepy Karl, not svelte, hipster Karl.
“Wow, you’re English eez good.” slurred the unhandsome stranger, blasting his hot, sour, cranberry laced breath into her face – oh yes, he was standing that close.
“I’m from abroad,” she replied.
“You are foreign? No! You look Chinese! You are Chinese. Vat do you do?” he spat out incredulously.
“Genetics tends to do that” she said looking for an escape, “I’m a brand strategist.”
“Zat is not a real word. You must be confused. You are not foreign,” he said triumphantly.
The rest of this gem of a conversation doesn’t really warrant being recorded. Let’s just end on that the crowd was luckily big enough for our FBC contributor to melt mercifully into avoiding rotund Karl for the rest of the evening.
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