Hello All,
As you all may have noticed the China Dirt girls have taken quite a long hiatus. 6 months to be exact. Apologies for the fans for the radio silence but we've unfortunately gotten rather intense jobs that suck up our time, rendering our free time rather scarce. New jobs = Less free time + more travel = less going out in China = less chances to encounter male douchbaggery in China. So is China Dirt dead? Well, we still have a stock of unwritten tales of male misdeeds. It just takes us a bit to write them down so please be patient and check back every month or so for (hopefully) a new update.
As a side note, apparently, there's a real estate agency in China also named China Dirt. Just goes to show you - you're never as unique as you think you are.
Happy dating. Will update soon!
-CD girls
8 comments:
my god your attitude, although probably tongue-in-cheek, really stinks. No wonder you are frustrated with dating in China.
I feel if you improved your attitudes, instead of becoming jaded and hostile; worked on your appearance (fitness, clothing, and good make-up); and just be fun to be with you will have no problems dating good quality guys. Guys like hot chicks, but they like hot chicks with great personalities best. I really believe that. And personality is where western babes can really outshine Chinese babes.
I would have been happy to date western girls in China but they are often their own worst enemy, regarding dating potential. I really didn't like to date Chinese girls because their dating culture seems just bizarre. But I did date a girl from a neighbouring Asian country with a much more compatible dating culture.
anyway, good luck.
You girls are truly nuts and jilted.
It is rather unfortunate that you have taken the Sabbatical. I just found this blog and have found it quite humorous and was looking for some more frequent content.
I do believe, however, that you, like many western women in China, have simply come to a fundamental misunderstanding of China, men, men in China and your own cultural paradigms. The fact is, many of your cultural assumptions are being challenged. Instead of reviewing them and possibly revising them, you have cloaked yourself in a bubble that has been self constructed to protect your ego and have, quite obviously, ventured little outside of it in your time in the Middle Empire.
As someone else has posted here, there are many quite sucessful western men in China. Many of us own shares of businesses, have extensive social contacts, and also have business back home (in my case, the US). But, you are unlikely to find us trolling the bars on Santilun or elsewhere as we have families or relationships or communties that we are involved in that present a richer and more diverse set of social opportunities.
Reading your blog reminds me of reading the "Asian Mystique" wherein a western female journalist sought the Asian female mystique through working girls throughout Asia. All she should have concluded is that, yes, Asian hookers are quite a bit more accomplished at their trade than their Western counterparts. Instead, she tried to generalize her anecdotes to Asian women in general.
As far as you assumptions go, you seem to reach some fairly remarkable conclusions for the safety of your bubble, including:
1. Asian women are more submissive - All I can say is that you clearly do not socialize with Chinese people. Chinese women are generally more assertive in their commited relationships, run the household, and are similarly assertive businesspeople in general. They are certainly more demure in purely social situations. But that gentle social banter should not be confused with a 'submissive nature".
You have likely concluded this due to your own cultural biases, most notably your communication assumptions regarding men and your view of sex as somehow a submissive activity - you decide and you submit. In other words, sex for women in western culture is something purely controlled by them from the decision to the accepptable style.
Western men are similarly afflicted with this malady when describing their exeperiences. More than likely, men who relate that Asian women are more submissive are relating their willingness to be pleasing in bed and acceptance of the fact that sex is something they have obligations in the relatioship as well. Since most western sexual relationships develop from the pursuit and the submission, it is no wonder that the communication to you and your processing of that information is debilitated by your own cultural context.
Very simply, many Asian cultures (and they are all uniquely different) view sex as a mutual decision with mutual obiligations. So yes, to a Western man, given his agressor role in the agressor/submitter paradigm of western sexual relations would view Asian women as being more submissive - in a sexual context. And, let's face it, men care about work, food, drink and sex, so that is normally our context.
2. Guys get away with a lot in China - This is bunk. Yes, in cheap saloons, hooker bars, and suanas, guys get away with alot more in China. In normal life, with normal social decorum, this is simply not true. Chinese cultural customs are rather conservative. China is also full of diachotomies, which is the reason that many neighborhoods have brothels and the girls growing up in the neighborhood marry as virgins. Once again, get out of your bubble, stop dating whoremongers, and meet some normal expats at benefits, embassy parties, and social networking events in Beijing, Shanghai, and Hong Kong. I am not saying you will be more sucessful in finding dates because, as you have noted for the wrong reasons, Asian women are generally more attractive to men living in China than Westerners, but you will give yourself a better chance.
And yes, you are meeting the whoremongers if they are reaching for your ass after one Martini. If one is accustomed to being with working girls, that is acceptable behavior. But, with a regular Asian woman (99.9999 % of them), it is similarly objectionable.
3. The reason you cannot find good dates is competition from easy Asian women- Ugh..Most Asian women are not easy. I will say this, however, once a sexaul relationship is consumated with an Asian woman, speaking as a Western man, it is very difficult for most of us to be with Western women again. The reasons are fairly simple: 1. Asian women treat sex as a mutual decsion with mutual obiligations, Western women treat it as their decision to control and normally feel no obligation. Asian women are more attentive to their personal cleanliness, western women will hop in bed after a long day expectin my face between her legs. Asian women expect to expend energy in bed pleasing their man, western women expect energy to the spent on them in bed with no obligation to return similar energy. 2. Asian women communicate in terms of mutuality and communtiy, western women are much more self centric. Asian women are more direct about financial needs, western women communicate it through their attorneys if things somehow do not meet their exepctations which we are to miraculously discern.
Yes, I did put sex up in the first string - I am a man. It is not because Asian women are "easy", it is because both the physical and emotional pleasures are more mutual with them. I have had very sucessful relationships at home and in Asia. I am just not a fan of Western women, except as business partners or employees.
4. Asian women are weak "quietly simmering" when mad, I think you put it - In public maybe, but not behind closed doors. Again, get out of your bubble and meet some Asian friends, observe their relationship and learn to listen below the verbal heiroglyphics. If you did, you would never make such a nonsensical statement. Embarassing someone publicly is not an Asian trait, and one partner in a romantic relationship would not do that to another. Behind closed doors is a completly different story.
I have rambled on quite to much. But I really think that what you are reacting to is simple competition. It is competition that you are ill equiped to counter given some purtanical cultrual baggage, a superior cultural paradigm, an inability to listen well, and a feeling of entitlement.
Yes, many of us are sick of a feminine attitude that requires extensive seduction prior to the "submission" when the submission results in a feeling of obligation to sink our face into an unshowered genital in order make "certain" our dear lady gets her just orgasm, all the while swallowing juices she would never swallow in return. I would much rather spend a nice eveningg making noodles with my Asian girlfriend, hanging out, showering, having extensive foreplay that is mutual, and enjoying a sexual experience that is mutual. This sexual mutuality is one I am using as a methaphor for the entire experience of a relationship with an Asian woman. Meanwhile, you can continue to bitch about the Losers Back Home, and continue hypocritically being a loser yourself banging married men because it is convenient. As far as I am concerned, drunk whoremongering expat men and drunk western sluts chasing married men are both in the same category - chasing the easy solution to their fleeting urges. You are one and the same, but, it is your blog so you can bitch about the other from your bubble.
I'm moved to comment, based on 7 trips to China in the last few years. I think the one issue that hasn't been addressed is a cultural diference regarding sex: for many Western women, sex is something that is "given" in exchange for a relationship. Women who have sex for their own pleasure are critisized by other women as sluts, etc. Thus, the Western woman learns to "trade" her sexuality for something of value ( a ring, a promise, a nice dinner). The Asian women I have been with have never engaged in the gameplaying nonsense I see Western women do every day. Furthermore, they don't seem to suffer the internalized guilt after sex, either. I think a lot of this comes from the Western idea of sex as sinful, and serious. Trust me, fucking is a lot more enjoyable when it is done for reasons of mutual curiosity and enjoyment.
keep the faith. look foward to seeing your latest postings.
Whitey, thank you for sharing your insight. Completely agree with everything you said. I wish I could be as eloquent in English.
The point about "quietly simmering" as a way to preserve you partner's face is spot on.
To understand a culture you have to live in it. I know a lot of immigrants in the west who cannot come to terms with the new country and they keep complaining. I hear a lot of that especially from guys who used to be overvalued back home. There are those who complain and there are those who achieve things.
Whitey, thank you for sharing your insight. Completely agree with everything you said. This should be pinned as a first entry to this blog in a way of addressing common misconceptions about the subject.
The explanation for "quietly simmering" as a way to preserve you partner's face is spot on. when people respect each other they address their differences so it does not embarrass them. If there's no mutual respect in a relationship, why continue it?
To understand a culture you have to live in it. I know a lot of immigrants in the west who cannot come to terms with the new country and they keep complaining. I hear a lot of that especially from guys who used to be overvalued back home. There are those who complain and there are those who achieve things.
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