Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Reader Submission

We've gotten off our lazy asses and have managed to hit Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V in that sequence. Thanks for the entry M. Keep them coming girls! While we don't advocate racial stereotyping, we figure the Parisians have already been made fun of so... why not add another country into the melee?

"I'd like to make an addition to the China Dirt lexico - Former Eastern Bloc Sleaze, or FEBS for short. Don't get me wrong. I'm not racist or anything (I'm half Polish/half Czech, by the way), but there are so many of these guys around town (apparently all here on "beesneez") that it definitely deserves a category of its own.

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. You've been FEBBED if he:

a. his wardrobe consists of mesh muscle shirts
b. sounds like Borat's cousin
c. hits on anything that has a pulse

I've been seeing a FEBS for about a month now, after a disastrous relationship with another for about two years (okay, so I have soft spot. shoot me). Granted, some FEBS are pretty charming at first (it's like finding really cute vintage Italian or French designer at a second hand store). And they're really good at chess and stuff (no joke, all of them are like Superduper grandmasters or something). And, to be fair, they can be pretty chevliarous. But after a while, Count Dracula shows his true face. The FEBS they start expecting you to behave like you're thier property.

So being the redblooded southern girl that I am, I'm like, "Fuck. That. I'm AMERICAN. You can't treat me like your serf!" And then the FEBS accuses me of invading Iraq or ruining his culture with McDonalds or some bullshit. Ugh!

Example: We went to Nan Jie last Friday with some of his Euro/Latin friends. We get in and he literally pats me on the behind and tells me to "go graze." Maybe his English is not stellar, but am I his goat or something? I give him the benefit of the doubt and I go get a few drinks at the bar. I'm talking to this really cute Chinese guy, and my FEBS gets really jealous and start making fun of the guy by going "Chingching chongchong" and pulling his eyelids like he's Asian. Uhh... I couldn't believe how insensitive/stupid he was. Is he in seventh grade?

Here's the kicker: my FEBS tells me, verbaitim, "Man, talk. Women, listen." Earth to FEBS: Misogyny does not get you laid.

PS. I haven't spoken to him for five days. I heard he was hitting on drunk girls at a party on Saturday night. ugh."

12 comments:

helena said...

Hahaha, yeah, I met some really nice guys from Lybia whom were in Beijing 'on bussiness'...didn't really understand what they said though...

Kyle said...

And you haven't dumped him yet because...

frank said...

You gals really need to get some help.

Shaan Khan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shaan Khan said...

uh... Libya? Business?

sergei2b471 said...

You american women, i percieve you are american, maybe i am incorrect but I think not, yes you american women think you are so superior to females of chinese species, but how quickly you forget history of your own race. I have studied this history extensivily both in university and on my own with pornography, history of races of man is passionite following that i have taken extreme interest in. yes you easily forget that your own blood has been muddied by intermixing of lower species, yes i am speaking of bantu and olmecs that you have imported as slave class in your imperialistic society of america. So do not get so happy that you think you are better than chinese women.

Maybe because you come from young and naive place, that you do not understand true culture that any Slavic has breed into them from birth from vaginas. This culture includes understanding true place of MAN and true place of WOMAN. Now you say you man said "Man, talk. Women, listen." but this is not disrespectful because he was most clearly trying to teach you, way father does child, finer points of civilization and etiquite. He would never need to say this to Slavic women because she would already know what is approipritate and she would be dead if not or if husband hobbled by plow accident bust in face. Knowledge i am trying to impart here, is that he said this to you not because you are women but because you are AMERICAN. If you Slavic women, you will not be at bar unless you are whore looking for rubles for mouth sex perfomance.

However, and this is clear from many blogskis below, that you do also not understand chinese women. Chinese race and slavic race are two greatest races in world and are in fact closely related as can be seen by great leaders such as Chingis Khan and Vladimir Putin (both eyes very narrow like pupil of angry goose). Chinese also has long and proud history and culture and understands finer points of etiquitte. This is even to be seen by American men who prefer civilized nature of chinese WOMEN to crazy "freedom" of mere american GIRL.

What i would dare to say that maybe you should stop talking so much, these blogskis make it clear that your mouth has never known pleasure of being shut, and you should sit back try to learn from chinese women. You complain like sow in plow yolk. Like Gap jeans not fit well comparable complaint to being birthed halfhour from Chernobyl. My knees look like sneering goats. One has tooth in and other has beard…like goat. Maybe then you can get off computer and ass like winter ham and have real man treat as he should.

Anyway if you are ever in Vitebsk and would like to make fuck, i am here. I make sex like steamship father work on until KGB shoot him for sweater with moose and can of Pepsi on it.

J said...

Agree with Kyle here, the fact that you haven't dumped this guy yet is all on you. He sounds like a complete prick from day one, he's not going to learn by you sticking around.

And as a Southerner myself, you really should know better. I try to tell people all the time about how strong and product Southern women are. Please don't make me look stupid.

Thoth Harris said...

"...mouth sex perfomance."???

"great leaders such as Chingis Khan and Vladimir Putin (both eyes very narrow like pupil of angry goose)."

"Like Gap jeans not fit well comparable complaint to being birthed halfhour from Chernobyl. My knees look like sneering goats."???


At first, I thought, this is one of the most offensive things I have ever read, etc.

Then I realized, "This is Borat!"

I couldn't stop laughing almost I nearly died!

I hope this guy keeps writing! Is it really Borat? Or it it another comedian imitating him?

Actually, it seems funnier than Borat, because it is more surreal and outrageous. Reminds me of when I read landoverbaptist.org!

Ron said...

yes, you are an american! hey, i have my own opinions my american policies, but to you euros who shit on my country and expect me to join in while on foreign soil. Fuck You.

i once met a swiss woman in france who told me that the last presidential election was decided by ignorant people. well, i thanked her for not including me in that particular group, but Fuck You for calling my countrymen ignorant, you pseudo-intellectual, american-hating bitch.

love the column!

Rebecca Yu said...

I'm talking to this really cute Chinese guy, and my FEBS gets really jealous and start making fun of the guy by going "Chingching chongchong" and pulling his eyelids like he's Asian.

Wow, maybe someone should have reminded this FEBS he wasn't back home in his trailer park anymore???

Alex said...

It’s quite curious how one would try so hard to generalize… and that’s after growing up in the tolerant, multicultural west.

Though I have to agree, after reading a note from ‘sergei’ you would be forgiven for thinking less of some eastern europeans and specifically some russians. (I’m one btw)

Anyway, dimwits are abound everywhere – whether it’s east, west or far east, and there’s very little pride involved in finding and exposing them.

I’m surprised that the author continues to try eating a proverbial cactus while clearly having an idea that all it’ll find is a bunch of pricks.

It’s hard to judge the true character by the blog but it would seem that the author may benefit from breaking out of the routine and instead of meeting the same people in pretty much the same bars.

The blog itself can be a trap for you as you keep rehashing your sad experiences instead of dismissing them and moving on onto something more productive.

Be careful not to let this define you as a person that’s when you’d become a loser.

As to my compadre sergei – this “men talk, women listen” - being looked up to is not a birth right it’s got to be earned by both sides but some just are not equipped to understand it and simply keep deluding themselves on how much better they are then someone else.

Finally a ‘strong person’ does not whine like a disappointed child, she gets what she wants and puts herself into a social circle / frame of mind where douches are not even worth mentioning, although then there’s be no blog.

Cheers and all the best to you.

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